Updated: Jan 10
Becoming a mommy has been the most amazing, scary, humbling, and motivating life experience that I’ve ever had.
Brynn entered our life one month ago, at 1:51pm on 11/14/19 weighing in at 7lbs 4oz and 19” long. The moment I heard her first cry I instantly felt a love I can’t even explain. I’m so obsessed with her...every noise, every facial expression, every cry, every feed, every diaper change...I just love my baby so much.
This first month has been quite the ride. So much happiness, love, excitement, sleep deprivation, nervousness, sore boobs, and anxiety. I’ve probably felt every emotion possible since she was born. Here’s a recap of a few of my experiences this first month:
As a new mom you often question EVERYTHING. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered, is this sound/facial expression/look/spit up/cough/cry/fussiness normal? I’ve probably googled everything under the sun about newborn “normal-ness”. All I care about is making sure that nothing my baby is experiencing is totally out of the ordinary.
When she cries it makes me wanna cry myself and I literally have a meltdown every time I feel like something may be wrong with her. I worry my little butt off these days. Despite being a nurse, when it comes to my own baby my mind goes bank. I have to remind myself that YES newborns do cry, YES they can be fussy, and NO that doesn’t mean the world is ending.
Ok, so let me just say this....breastfeeding ain’t no joke! While pregnant I took several classes, did so much research, and still wasn’t completely prepared for how tough breastfeeding has been. I’m unbelievably proud that I’ve been able to stick with exclusive breastfeeding for a full month because there were certainly days that I contemplated quitting the first couple of weeks.
It hurt like hell, we both ended up with a case of Thrush (yeast infection in baby’s mouth and moms nipples when breastfeeding), and I often wondered if she was getting enough nourishment. Now, a month later, things are slowly getting better. I’m getting more comfortable with feeding, it hurts a lot less, my sore nipples are healing, she’s gaining weight as she should, she has a good amount of wet/dirty diapers, and it’s becoming more enjoyable.
The times I wanted to quit (and I’m sure there may be times in the future where I feel this way) I just focused on why I wanted to breastfeed in the first place. The health benefits for baby (and mom for that matter) can’t be beat. So I’m gonna keep it up for as long as possible, with my goal being at least 6 months.
Bye, Bye Schedule
During this past month I’ve also had to adjust to running on my daughters time and no longer having a “perfect” little schedule of my own. This means 5 minute showers instead of 20 minutes, frequent waking through the night, having to multitask if I wanna get anything done, sometimes forgetting to eat, and figuring out how to be productive when Brynn doesn’t wanna be put down for even 10 minutes.
This has probably been the biggest challenge for me. I’ve spent years doing my own thing and having my own schedule. Now, I’m just thrilled if I’m able to get a load of laundry done since Brynn is literally glued to my arms for most of the day and night. Although I’m a lot less productive these days, I cherish all the quality time I get just cuddling with my little mama.
Lastly, postpartum hormones are a beast. I underestimated how intense your emotions can be during this time. There has definitely been moments/times where I felt tearful or a little sad and had no clue why. I would often think, “I love my baby SO much and I’m so happy to have her, so why do I feel sad right now?”.
Now I realize that I was having moments of the Postpartum Blues, which can happen as your hormones slowly come back to baseline after being super high for almost 10 months. Combine that with sleep deprivation and the huge learning curve of being a new parent and you’ve got yourself a perfect breeding ground for an emotional roller coaster. Thankfully, I’m feeling better and any moments of sadness are typically short lived.
**of note, if you feel “blue” or down more than occasionally in the first couple of weeks, you have a hard time caring for yourself or your baby due to sadness, or your sadness persists these are all signs of Postpartum Depression and should be discussed with your doctor**
This first month as a mommy has been quite eventful to say the least. Although adjusting to parenthood and life with a newborn can be challenging at times, I wouldn’t change it for the world. My little girl has brought so much joy to my husband and I (as well as our whole family). Every time I look at her my heart melts and I can’t thank God enough for blessing us with this gift. Looking forward to many more months and years of watching her grow :-)